"Outdated" Words
A couple of "virtual" discussions I have had with colleagues I respect a great deal cause me to ponder the use of some words that are part of our business lexicon. Two words in particular that people focused on are loyalty and empathy.
My colleague said that she felt loyalty has become a kind of psychological handcuff that we try to put on people, especially in the employment environment. People who don't stay with us for a long period of time are disloyal. Employees who question company policy are disloyal.
I use the concept of loyalty as one of the five elements of my Compliance to Commitment(TM) model. The other elements are respect, responsibility, information, and rewards.
In my my mind loyalty is in context. Loyalty like respect and leadership is something you earn and is freely given rather than an entitlement. Loyalty means that we meet our commitments to each other and that we deal with each other from a place of respect and clarity. It does not mean tenure, fealty, or other things that in my mind are based in a compliance kind of relationship. In an employment setting it means that while I am in your employee I meet your expectations to the best of my ability and that you give me clear expectations and honest feedback. It is measured by that commitment not the length of the relationship.
I think to ask someone to act in way that is not in their best interests or is in congruent with their values is being disloyal to them. I also think for me personally it is easier to be loyal to a person or value set than to an organization. I have always asked people who worked with me to be loyal to the vision or values of the organization, not to me.
Empathy is an interesting word as well. In my mind empathy is an appreciation and considerations for another's point of view. It is not sympathy, nor is it necessarily sensitivity. I think empathy is very important, if you cannot recognize and acknowledge another persons right to have a viewpoint or value set different than your own I think leadership is a bad fit for you. I didn't say you needed to agree with their viewpoint, rather that you acknowledge their right to have it and be able to evaluate it objectively. Without empathy I think we run the risk of attempting to impose our viewpoints and values on others.
So, I would ask you two questions:
My colleague said that she felt loyalty has become a kind of psychological handcuff that we try to put on people, especially in the employment environment. People who don't stay with us for a long period of time are disloyal. Employees who question company policy are disloyal.
I use the concept of loyalty as one of the five elements of my Compliance to Commitment(TM) model. The other elements are respect, responsibility, information, and rewards.
In my my mind loyalty is in context. Loyalty like respect and leadership is something you earn and is freely given rather than an entitlement. Loyalty means that we meet our commitments to each other and that we deal with each other from a place of respect and clarity. It does not mean tenure, fealty, or other things that in my mind are based in a compliance kind of relationship. In an employment setting it means that while I am in your employee I meet your expectations to the best of my ability and that you give me clear expectations and honest feedback. It is measured by that commitment not the length of the relationship.
I think to ask someone to act in way that is not in their best interests or is in congruent with their values is being disloyal to them. I also think for me personally it is easier to be loyal to a person or value set than to an organization. I have always asked people who worked with me to be loyal to the vision or values of the organization, not to me.
Empathy is an interesting word as well. In my mind empathy is an appreciation and considerations for another's point of view. It is not sympathy, nor is it necessarily sensitivity. I think empathy is very important, if you cannot recognize and acknowledge another persons right to have a viewpoint or value set different than your own I think leadership is a bad fit for you. I didn't say you needed to agree with their viewpoint, rather that you acknowledge their right to have it and be able to evaluate it objectively. Without empathy I think we run the risk of attempting to impose our viewpoints and values on others.
So, I would ask you two questions:
- Are these words "outdated" ?
- What words would you add to my list?
Labels: communications, empathy, Leadership, loyalty, words
posted by Mark at New Paradigms LLC at
5:00 PM
2 Comments:
First your questions—I like empathy and I even like empathy combined with assertiveness better. I do because I think empathy alone or assertiveness alone lead to less effective results for both the giver and the receiver over time than the combination of the two.
Per the discussion about “loyalty”-- I am of the opinion that "loyalty" in reference to Gen X's and Millianials is being used in a cynical and manipulative way.
It is the same use some people make of "patriotism", it is a form of control designed to diminish resistance and free conversations about things that may hurt the people in power (the movie "shut up and sing" about the Dixie Chicks highlights this well). In Israel military service was a value that was hard to break-- nowadays many youngsters refuse to enlist. The old stigma that you are "unpatriotic" and the social prices you were made to pay for it are long gone as a younger, more socially honest generation took hold. Values are a form of social control and at times they are serving us poorly.
Thanks for opening these important topics for discussion.
With much respect,
Reut
Hello Mark,
I think you touched every word that, from my point of view, allows people to excel in their work in a collaborative environment.
I like to give more power to the word "commitment", because I think that if someone is commited to his/her way of being, there is a higher probability of success in a certain activity.
Best regards,
ricardo
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